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Tools to Support our Emotions

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TOOLS TO SUPPORT OUR EMOTIONS

A common ask from our families is help regulate their child’s emotions. 

As the new year is still fresh and we are all working hard to settle into the new routine of life, the big transitions or changes that have taken place, a common theme I’m hearing among our families is Emotional Regulation. 

This allows a lot of reflection in how we explain emotional regulation, what it means and how we show up. Over the last 3 years, we have explored  what emotional regulation is, The Emotional Regulation Continuum and Safety & Connection, they are all essential to every stage of development and emotional awareness. 

What is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation refers to an individual’s ability to recognise, process and act upon the emotions that they feel within different situations on a regular day. It is one’s ability to adjust and control their energy level, emotions, behaviours, and attention to allow for success in connecting with our loved ones and engaging in our daily lives.

Emotional regulation is a continuum, constantly changing

Emotional regulation is vital as it impacts not only our confidence and sense of self but also our ability to interact, develop and maintain relationships with others. As a whole this includes how we talk, listen and act towards others when we are presented with some form of physical, mental, or emotional stimulus.

How does Explore and Soar support our clients?

At Explore and Soar, we describe this as our band of arousal. Within sessions, we work with our families and children to identify their optimal band of arousal (where they feel most comfortable and safe) and work closely with them to expand their optimal band to increase flexibility, adaptability and often more capacity to deal with daily stressors. 

We do this by 

  • Strengthening and developing co-regulation and self-regulation skills,
  • Supporting recovery times and processing,
  • Increasing time spent in optimal,
  • Increasing self-awareness, and
  • Developing the foundational skills of perspective taking and empathising for social development.

The word ‘safety’ can be more deeply explained by Dr Stephen Porges, a pioneer in the field of neuroscience and one of the world’s leading experts on the autonomic nervous system. Dr Porges states that we all have an innate need for safety that is wired into our beings and that when we feel emotionally unsafe, our nervous system goes into a state of defence, creating our fight, flight, fright, or freeze responses.  

As occupational therapists when working with our clients and families, we begin by establishing what safety looks like for each family, so we can adapt our therapeutic practices in the most efficient and successful manner. Before any goals can be targeted or reached, it is essential for a sense of safety and security to be built between our client and their therapist. 

Being ‘Emotionally Vulnerable‘ to feel Safe 

This year, from our previous blog, we are embracing Safety for Vulnerability; focusing on the path of true human connection with the ability to express thoughts, feelings, desires and opinions with yourself, your children, and others around you. 

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to not hide emotions and to be present

Vulnerability is about opening up to emotions and becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. This allows for emotional safety, allowing feelings and emotions to the surface. 

As Brene Brown states “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability authenticity”. 

In the sense of emotions, we cannot teach someone to be resilient, curious or to connect. However, we can model this and help to script what this might look like by creating a safe environment for the process to unfold. A child who feels safe, knows that they can express their emotions because they will not be judged for having them. It allows them to be who they really are with anybody. Being able to play ands are in fun positive experiences, as clinicians we establish safe relationship and connections in order for us to being tailoring the therapeutic practices to each child.  

Explore & Soar’s Therapeutic Tools  

DIR Floortime 

DIR stands for the Developmental, Individual-differences, & Relationship-based model. It was developed by the late Dr. Stanley Greenspan to provide a foundational framework for understanding human development. 

The ‘Floortime’ aspects refers to getting down on the floor, interacting with the child on their level and taking their lead in play. 

D – Development 

This is where we look at how the child is developing, emotionally and cognitively. Establishing a firm understanding of how the child is performing in relation to a model of “Shared Attention and Regulation”. This is a foundational pillar that child needs to master beginning at birth. 

I – Individual Difference

 The unique ways each person takes in, regulates, responds to, and comprehends the world around them. Understanding the child’s particular pattern of challenges is essential for helping them. These differences can include sensory processing, motor planning or daily living skills. 

R – Relationship 

This is how relationships fuel our development.  Humans are social beings and relationships are vital  to our human development.  

This approach assists caregivers in developing their relationship with their child, so they can be effective in helping the child learn and grow. The approach also aims to ensure that the child is developing meaningful relationships with peers and siblings. to build healthy foundations for social, emotional, and intellectual capacities rather than focusing exclusively on skills and isolated behaviours. 

Greenspan, S. I., & Wieder, S. (2006). Engaging autism: Using the Floortime approach to help children relate, communicate, and think.

Womb Space 

The in-utero was predictable, constant, and safe, designed for growth and development of the baby. This is In contrast to the complexity of our sensory world, where we know our children can become overwhelmed with sounds, visual stimuli, and fatigue to name a few. 

A womb space is a small, enclosed area that reduces the amount of visual and auditory stimuli in the child’s environment to promote reorganization and self-regulation. It is a therapy tool often used to support children to feel safe when overwhelmed. it is a therapy tool often used to support children to feel safe when overwhelmed. 

A child may independently seek out a womb space, or you can passively facilitate one to help them reorganise. Womb spaces can be temporary or semi-permanent, depending on the situation or environment.

It is a combination of reduction of sensory over stimulation, physical connection, gentle movements, being present and consistent. Ways in which we can create womb space include tents, blanket forts and lycra tunnels, reduced light, foetal positioning, music, respiration and singing. 

The provision of womb space allows time to adapt to the intensity of the sensory world. 

Holding Space 

Holding space means being physically, mentally, and emotionally present for someone.

This involves  putting your focus on the individual to support them as they feel their feelings. It is not about dampening or changing the emotion. An important aspect of holding space is managing judgment while you are present. This sets the tone for curiousness and judgement-free interactions, opening way to safety for vulnerability. 

In this interaction, minimal to no words can be used, being present is enough and wait for them to show you what they need to support their emotions. Being present for each person is different, for one person it might be in a hug, for another it might be side by side or across the room. 

The holding space concept is very powerful, asr the physical space between you does not matter. The other person’s ability to hold space emotionally, mentally or spiritually is enough to allow for calming. 

Have you ever noticed anyone holding space for you when experiencing your emotions?

Therapeutic Use of Self 

At Explore and Soar, the way in which we interact with children and families is built on the foundational beliefs of the value of humanity and the importance of being able connect. 

To create feelings of calm, safety and support we use our powerful and individual therapy tool ‘Therapeutic use of self’ in all interactions. It is a therapist’s conscious efforts to optimise interactions with clients through the use of personal characteristics, which are of benefit to the therapeutic relationship. Conducting ourselves in this way that one becomes an effective tool in the intervention process. 

In essence, it is being aware of yourself in terms of verbal communication, body language, eye contact, our own regulation and overall presence to build trust and comfort. To use yourself therapeutically, you must first be aware of your interactions with the child to then be able to adapt them to suit their needs. 

Being Kind to yourself! 

The process of working through and understanding what it truly means to create safety for vulnerability can be overwhelming. Its acknowledging yourself and others with the complexity of emotions we all have. It is human nature to avoid the uncomfortable, painful, or scary emotions. 

Just know, we are here with you along the journey. 

“Vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”  Brene Brown.

Greenspan, S. I., & Wieder, S. (2006). Engaging autism: Using the Floortime approach to help children relate, communicate, and think.

Until next time, 
Maddie

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 27, 2023

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Auditory Intervention – TOMATIS®

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AUDITORY INTERVENTION – TOMATIS®

Recently the OT team at Explore and Soar participated in some professional development training that allows us to provide another auditory intervention to our clients and their families. We are pleased to announce that Explore and Soar is now a certified Level 1 TOMATIS ® Practitioner.

What is TOMATIS ®?

TOMATIS ® is a sound-based neurosensory education program that is used to enhance the connection of the ear, brain and body in order to work together and support the progression of all foundational skills for your child’s development. It is based upon the work of Alfred Tomatis (Tomatis® Method) using a special machine called the TalksUp® device, to produce the Tomatis® effect. 

This time last year we spoke about the complexity of the auditory sensory system and how it is linked to multiple other sensory systems, including the vestibular (movement) system. As such, our ear is regarded as both an auditory and motor organ within our body and is the doorway to our entire nervous system! The way it interprets and processes sensory information from the world around us impacts upon our emotional regulation, fine and gross motor skills, postural activation, spatial awareness and social skills. 

Did you know that one of the primary roles of the ear is to provide energy to the brain – 70-80% of all energy for our brain comes from our ear! 

Of this, 60% is from our auditory system (hearing) while 30% comes from our vestibular (movement) system. Thus, the ear requires both sound input as well as vibrational input for it to energise the brain and allow for sensory processing to occur at a very automatic level. The TOMATIS ®system is the only auditory system to provide both air (sound) conduction and bone (vibrational) conduction in order to simulate the brain. 

Here is a great video that demonstrates how this in fact works within our bodies.

So why would Explore and Soar use TOMATIS® over other auditory interventions?

TOMATIS ® is based on the principals of intensity and breaks. This means that each program lasts 14 days (intensity) with specific time durations (breaks) between the programs to allow for integration and progression of skills. Thus, it is a 14 day commitment, 4 times per year within the first year and minimum 2 to 4 programs upon the second year to complete the listening program of up to 80 miutes duration per day. However, the integration time outside of the listening stage is just as critical to the overall effectiveness of the program. The effects of TOMATIS ® are best seen over time (with multiple programs for increased results); whereas other auditory interventions can elicit an immediate response or change to behaviours or body awareness or require continued daily listening for up to 12 weeks. 

Explore and Soar clinicians apply their knowledge of each of the different auditory interventions we have access to, along with consideration of each individual’s goals, funds and family life to determine which interventions will be best suited for the individual. 

We’ve seen many children gain a range of benefits by completing the program alongside our clinicians. One of our clients who engaged with the Tomatis® method was previously unable to regulate emotions effectively, follow instructions, understand spatial awareness or movement through space. After completing his first 14 day program, the child became better regulated with a reduced recovery time, staying in his regulated state for longer, with a greater sense of awareness within his own space. He was able to engage and communicate his wants and needs in a healthy way, without lashing out and his creative play and expression exceeded all expectations. 

What benefits can TOMATIS® help achieve?

The changes mentioned here are some of the changes observed and reported by parents using the Tomatis® Method around the world. Responses will vary from child to child and can be difficult to predict; however patterns of development allow us to recognise and assist families in preparing for such changes. These benefits include:

  • A child can become either calmer or more alert depending on their sensory profile.
  • A child can appear more focused and more purposeful in their behaviour. 
  • Improved eye contact. 
  • More affectionate. 
  • Children begin to frequently seek their parents out and want to join in on more family activities. 
  • Show increased interest in non-verbal communication such as facial expressions and gestures.
  • A child may increase their self awareness, or become inquisitive about their own self.
  • They show more awareness of their environment around them and may start to notice things they seemed oblivious to before. 
  • Some of the sensory sensitivities that were especially heightened will start to decline.
  • Increased vocalisations or sounds such as babbling or baby sounds in children who are considered non-verbal.
  • Increased recognition of their name or when they are spoken to.
  • Ability to demonstrate an increased understanding of more complex sounds, words and phrases in children who are considered verbal.
  • Ability to understand and follow directions of varying complexities.
  • A child will have increased purposefulness in their communication, behaviours, play ideation and social interactions with others.
  • A child will be less in their own world and more willing to join our world. 

If you would like to know more about TOMATIS ® or the other auditory interventions Explore and Soar can offer as part of our ongoing therapy to assist your child in achieving their goals, please reach out to your treating clinician. 

Read more about the Tomatis® Method here.

Until next time,
Lori

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AUGUST 31, 2022

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Auditory Intervention

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AUDITORY INTERVENTION

As part of working as an occupational therapist, and under sensory processing integration, we work with all of the 8 sensory systems. 

One of these is the auditory system. The auditory system is complex and many other sensory systems are connected to it as a multisensory functioning organ.  

So What is Auditory Processing?  

Auditory processing is the process of recognising and responding to auditory input. Auditory processing refers to the ability to discriminate between similar sounds, tune into a parent, teacher or friend to pick up important information, in order to communicate effectively with others. There are multiple skills linked to auditory processing including memory, sequencing, development of expressive and receptive language, academic skills such as association of sounds with letters or numbers, listening skills, communication skills, social skills, and maintaining attention.  One of the greatest skills needed is the ability to differentiate sounds.  Our ears are developed to interpret the different frequencies of sounds a world presents us. The frequency (Hertz- Hz) of sound is then determined by the way in which sound waves vibrate whilst travelling through our ear. Once sound waves reach our ear, they cause the membranes within to vibrate at varying intensities, causing the activation of certain musculature of the ear, which then allows us to hear!  There are varying frequencies such as:  

Low Frequency sounds (1000 Hz and below): This sound activates the outer ear muscles, moving slow as it passes through. This includes sounds like: 

  • Dog’s barking
  • Lawn mowers
  • Thunder
  • Vacuum cleaners 

Middle Frequency sounds (1000-3000 Hz): This sound activates the middle ear and where language and social skill development is primarily processed.

High Frequency sounds (3000Hz and above): This sound activates our inner ear, moving hard and fast as it passes through. This includes sounds such as: 

  • Women’s voices
  • Birds chirping

Challenges in Auditory Processing

Difficulties arise when the brain does not effectively or accurately interpret and respond to auditory information. This creates misinterpretation of information. 

There are two forms of difficulties with auditory processing: 

Hypersensitivity to sounds (Auditory Defensiveness) 

This is a child who is overwhelmed by auditory input and may present with the following: 

  • Easily distracted by sounds not noticed by others (clocks, fans, air conditioners)
  • Disliking sound of vacuums, hair dryers
  • Startled or distracted by loud or unexpected sounds- running away, crying, covers ears.
  • Frequently attempted to control sounds in their environment (asking people to stop talking)
  • Refusing to go to busy/ noisy places

Hyposensitivity to sounds (Under Registration) 

This is a child who does not easily register auditory information in his environment and may present with the following:

  • Does not respond to verbal cues or own name
  • Loves loud music or TV
  • Loves to make sounds or noises
  • Difficulty understanding or remembering what was said
  • Talks to self when completing a task
  • Needing directions repeated

At Explore and Soar, we are dedicated to understanding these sensory systems, determining ways to integrate and apply intervention approaches that alleviate these concerns. To do so, we engage in continued professional development and collaborative reasoning sessions with our senior OT’s.

There are many auditory interventions that can be supplemented into your sensory diet or OT home programming routine, presently at Explore and Soar, we utilise two intervention types; Therapeutic Listening and Quickshifts. In addition to these we have other auditory training and supports, which are tailored to each individual client where appropriate. 

Contact our OT’s to find out more information or  to see how we can help you. We will tailor an appropriate auditory intervention solution for your child. 

From a personal perspective, when I’m feeling like my mind is scattered or overwhelmed, I put on one of our quickshifts that emphasise the lower frequency sounds in order to ground me, to feel safe and to slow my heartbeat.

If I’m feeling slow, I’ll put on a track with shifts of high and low tones, and varying rhythms to invite movement to my muscles to activate and boost my energy levels to get going. 

When i’m really needing to concentrate and get work done, i’ll put on music with a constant rhythmic sound, that holds my attention in one space, it provides intensity with high and low sounds, with a fast but constant and non changing rhythm to allow my body to sync with the music and work to that speed. 

Our families at Explore and Soar know we love to put on music in sessions to add as much support to our kids intervention as possible. Whether it be through speakers or headphones, the impacts to the child’s regulation, engagement, social skills and communication is amazing to see. Some examples of these include:

Child one: A young boy who has high levels of energy. One of his biggest challenges was sharing space, regulation and holding attention to share engagement for more than 5 minutes. When putting on the QS space, you could instantly see the change in his body. He slowed his body and movements, he took a deep breath and paused. The music gave him time and space, it give him the support he needed, prompting safety and regulation. 

Child two: An overwhelmed child. He has challenges moving and communicating with others around him, to follow the lead of others, to transition between environments and settle enough for sleep. With persistence, through each day of our 5 day intensives, little by little, the boy that started the week was a completely different child by the end of the week. He stayed in the room for the whole 50 minutes, he could regulate and move through the changing of ideas, he shared eye contact, laughs and we beautifully transitioned out of the session with no crying or frustrations. 

Child three: With a confident personality, she loves to be in control of the things around her. She does so with constant attempts to change the activities that are new or tricky, tensing her body to try and stabilise movement or completely avoiding an activity all together if it means using both sides of her body together. Music had an instant effect on her body. She began to use both her left and right hand together during sit down fine motor tasks. The music prompted a huge smile and by moving with the rhythm of the music, she gracefully challenged herself throughout the activities.

Auditory processing is such an integral part of development. If you think your child may need some auditory interventions, please don’t hesitate to reach out and see how we can help!

Until next time,
Maddie

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 1, 2021

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The Emotional Continuum

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THE EMOTIONAL CONTINUUM

Emotions; the one thing that many people find hard to acknowledge, understand and express freely. 

Yet they are the one thing that binds us together. They are a constant in out lives, changing as we navigate through day to day life. Our emotions live on a continuum and on any given day we eb and flow between them. 

At Explore and Soar, we describe this by using the terms optimal band of arousal and window of tolerance. Each allow us as humans to function optimally on any given day, to be able to maintain a home and  hold down a steady job as adults. For our children, being able to participate in everyday self-care activities, maintain engagement at school for learning and be flexible and dynamic in their thinking and feelings when socialising and playing with peers, is obtained when their optimal band of arousal is reached. 

There are many everyday functions and aspects of our lives that are relying on us to live in our optimal band of arousal, in order to attend and achieve these expectations. However, this is not always achievable and on any given day, our body and minds experience a range of emotions from our internal and external environments. When this happens, our ability to remain in an optimal band of arousal is not always achievable. Instead, we start moving on the emotional continuum either into a high arousal state of survival with responses of fight, flight, fright or freeze where an array of emotions and behaviours can become apparent or alternatively into a low arousal state where fatigue, tiredness or sickness can become apparent. 

Our ability to move consistently on the emotional continuum is guided by natural and unique instincts. 

By doing so, our body is expressing how we are feeling in the moment by telling our mind and body to respond in a particular way. As an example, if we are beginning to feel overwhelmed and stressed, moving into a heightened state, we are required to slow down to allow our body to rest. We can all become unstuck in this state from time to time, when we have difficulty regulating our emotions appropriately and being able to respond to our internal and external environment in an appropriate way, such as size of problem vs reaction. This is where the foundational emotional regulation skills of co-regulation from a young age and the development of self-regulation capacities is fundamental in supporting our children, but also enhances our adaptability and flexibility in all situations when we are older.

Take a look at our previous blog on co-regulation and self-regulation strategies >

In everyday life, if a child is expressing themselves with an action or emotion, that is their way of asking for help. As social beings we do not like expressing ourselves in a way that is perceived to be out of the norm, yet when things are not going ok for young children, their way of and asking for help is through emotive behaviour. As adults it is our job to be role models, provide support and teach them how to express their emotions appropriately. We must offer support to them as they move through these feelings, whilst trying to understand the situation at hand. That’s not always easy. Sometimes we as adults alone are unable to figure it out. This is where we as occupational therapists working within emotional regulation and sensory processing capacities can come in and help, to further breakdown what is going on, determine what is impacting our children and to determine the best strategy to support them in their daily experiences, on their own individual emotional continuum.

As occupational therapists there are a range of strategies and intervention options that we can do to support your whole family in better understanding each other’s emotional continuum. 

Our ultimate goal is to work successfully through everyday activities and allow you and your children to live your life to the fullest.  

Regulation strategies: As occupational therapists we can determine where each individual’s band of arousal sits on the emotional continuum. Once identified, we develop goals and implement strategies to support increased time in optimal throughout the day. Goals and strategies are targeting the development of co-regulation strategies with parents/caregivers and loved ones, self-regulation strategies and increasing the independence in identifying how your body is feeling and reacting, then completing strategies to calm, additionally reducing the time frame and recovery time if their emotions heighten. These are all powerful approaches to supporting our children in order to be successful in everyday activities. 

Take a look at our previous blog on co-regulation and self-regulation strategies >

Sensory processing activities: Utilising our individual sensory needs helps facilitate and develop regulation and achievement in maintaining an optimal band of arousal. Well known strategies such as heavy work, respiration and roughhousing strategies can be quick sensory activities in your everyday life in order to facilitate this. Over the years we have written about the benefits of all these strategies and you’ll see them regularly in our social media posts. This is because the benefits are paramount. This is also why you will see us in sessions working with our children with things like whistles, utilising oral motor strategies to support the development of skills, and individualised heavy work strategies (movement with resistance such as push, pull, lift, carry) to help achieve these outcomes. 

TRE (Trauma Release Exercises): Known as trauma release exercises are a simple yet innovative series of exercises that assist in the body in releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension and trauma. TRE can be implemented through an active way of exercises that activate the natural reflex mechanism of shaking or vibrating that releases muscular tension, required for calming down the nervous system. I have been utilising this strategy as a self-regulation and self-care tool for myself consistently since 2013. Due to the extreme benefits of TRE and my own love of it I then studied his intervention approach and have completed my qualification in 2018-2019 to become a trained trainer. Since then, I have been implementing these strategies within our sessions with our children where needed through a passive, non-invasive and safe way. This strategy has been successfully implemented with adults and children in altering their band of optimal arousal and increasing their control and confidence in sitting in the emotional continuum. Do not hesitate to seek further knowledge and information from us on this method.

Cognitive emotional strategies: When working on the emotional continuum, sometimes using sensory processing and bottom up strategies are effective, but can be complimentary providing top down cognitive strategies to assist in the refinement of knowledge and applying these skills in social situations or transfer these skills in everyday environments, including home, school (classroom and playground), and the community. Some strategies you will see us utilising in sessions are concepts of ‘Zones of Regulation’, ‘Size of Problem vs Reaction’, ‘The Alert Program’, ‘The Incredible Flexible You Series’ and ‘The Social Thinking Detectives’. These strategies for us are generally used once the development of the above mentioned skills have been supporting each individual’s emotional continuum and then building these skills on top of. 

As a team we are always building our knowledge and exploring further strategies and intervention approaches to enhance our children’s emotional capacities and independence. Ultimately we are all learning to understand and identify their emotions on a daily basis. The emotional continuum is so important to us as it allows our children to build their confidence, self-worth, self-awareness and to develop strong foundational blocks in order to achieve success in their life. Don’t hesitate to chat to us further about how we can support you and your children with their emotional regulation capacities. 

Until next time,
Jess

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MARCH 3, 2021

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Emotional Regulation

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EMOTIONAL REGULATION

Today I want to speak about the importance of emotional regulation. Not only its development and significance in our children’s lives, but in our own as parents, caregivers and individuals. 

Emotional regulation is an important skill that is developed over time. Beginning in childhood, its development is a key milestone. Commencing with the foundational skills of co-regulation and leading into self-regulation in toddler and childhood years and eventuating into emotional intelligence in adulthood, it supports everything we do during our lives.

Self-regulation is the ability to notice, grade and modulate your own feelings, ultimately learning to respond appropriately to them. It is the ability to naturally adapt to those around you or the situation at hand. This process won’t always begin naturally with some children, some find it challenging to express themselves and others occasionally mis-interpret information that allows them to optimally adjust to their surroundings.

Emotional regulation is at the crux of everything we do. 

It starts in utero and further develops via a connection with your parents once born. It is the foundation of the connection between parents and their child from birth, that creates the building blocks for our first stage of emotional development; co-regulation.

This process allows children to learn, explore and understand what it feels like to be soothed, especially in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations. As infants, our parents offer affection and protection from the world as we enter into it. Throughout our earliest months of life, our foundations are being solidified. We are opening our eyes, processing more and beginning to push boundaries. 

As we continue to grow, we are connecting, becoming more alert and adapting to the world around us. This is done so through our sensory systems and the motivation to learn about new surroundings. 

Co-regulation involves a mutual understanding and safety net that our parents or caregivers provide, keeping us safe as we test boundaries and explore the world. This sense of comfort can sometimes give us that little extra push we need when new scenarios or uncertainty may arise. These experiences, along with meeting others, allow us to learn some essential non-verbal social cues, beginning our journey into self-regulation. 

We begin to learn self-regulation by sharing and working through our feelings. Having people around us modeling, teaching and supporting us to learn how to manage emotions, allows us to appropriately deal with feelings. Most people develop these skills by the time they enter their teenage years.

But what if we couldn’t learn how to self-regulate emotions?What if we didn’t feel safe in our surroundings?What if we missed all the non-verbal social cues from people in our family growing up?

What if we didn’t understand the emotions we had or had any control over them – not knowing how to self-soothe or react appropriately to a situation? This is what our children go through daily before being about to self-regulate.Children have difficulty understanding their body and the many feelings that they encounter day to day. So how do we support them through this and encourage development?

It can be very overwhelming as a parent or caregiver. The fatigue and ongoing support needed to provide guidance can be exhausting. As soon as we, the adults get overwhelmed and stressed, our capacity to cope and remain in a regulated state too, gets altered. Our own ability to regulate ourselves and cope in our everyday life is challenged. Often we are faced with a sense of guilt – not being able to cope with emotion on top of emotion.

So, how can we support you but also support your children in managing their self-awareness and emotional regulation for resilience, empathy and emotional intelligence? We thought we would offer up some strategies for you, the parent or caregiver to best take care of you and your family. These are:

  • Checking in; asking yourself ‘what do I need to do to be my best self and what does my partner need to do to be their best self?’. Make a note for today, for the week for the month and for the term.
  • The everyday essentials: sleep, good food, and staying hydrated. If you’re sleeping and eating well then you are supporting your body in the best way, having energy to work through the day
  • Setting weekly intentions: set 3 realistic activities to achieve in the week that would make a difference to you and your family. One for yourself, one for your children and one for your family as a whole.
  • Daily Intentions: sitting down and making a plan for each day to work towards these goals for the week. Do the important things first.
  • Build your tribe: don’t be afraid to ask for help and reach out to those in your community.
  • Breathe and Move: find what works for you. Mindfulness, exercise or even having coffee with a friend. Take a moment and a deep breath with things get too stressful. 

Once you’ve taken care of your own emotional well-being, look to your children. They too need support and strategies to continue to grow and develop their minds, empathy and social connections. The below strategies can be used before and after interactions, or even sometimes in the moment. 

  • Build Body awareness: move, explore and climb. Get your children using their core and bodies in challenging ways. This increases their gross motor skills, posture control but also builds upon their body awareness and understanding themselves in space. 
  • Experience emotions: let your children experience a range of emotions, help them understand what these emotions are and how to work through them by discussing their feelings.
  • Modeling: don’t be afraid to get on the floor and act silly, expressing your emotions and how your body responds. Act out how you self-regulate and what strategies work for you to calm your body. Modeling emotional regulation strategies is very powerful for our children.
  • Repair: Never forget the importance of repair. Talking and working through a situation to help provide clarity, understand perspectives and to emotionally interact with others is very powerful. Our children need to know when to say sorry and why. 

These strategies don’t always work for our children in the moment or when they are in a heightened state. It’s also ok to let them feel the emotion and allow it to eventually pass. In these moments, you can employ strategies to offer support if they attempt to reach out, these include: 

  • Remaining available: remaining open and available to your child to let them know you are there as reassurance (even if sometimes they are telling you to “go away”)
  • Ice chips or cold packs; chewing on ice chips, ice blocks or having ice packs available is a natural body reset. The coolness will help the child regulate their body temperature and start to cool down, inadvertently calming their emotions..
  • Providing deep pressure or hugs (heavy work and deep pressure is a natural calmer and regulator). Each child reacts to this differently; some love hugs, others love to throw, hit or kick things. It is finding safe activities and strategies for them at that moment.
  • Phrases of reassurance that you can offer up such as – ‘You are safe, It’s ok, and I love you’
  • Respiration and breathing activities: bubbles, water,  or even a cup with a straw are all ways to practice breathing in order to calm your child down. 

Your own emotional regulation and health as an individual and as a parent is a central priority. In order for you to be a good parent, you need to self soothe and look after your own well being. If you are not ok, then your children are not ok. Please implement and give these strategies listed above a go to aid or expand upon what already works for you and your family. If you have any additional questions, thoughts or ideas, please do not hesitate to contact the Explore and Soar team, as our passion lies in helping our families on all levels. Supporting our families and building our children up to have great emotional awareness for themselves and empathy for others is perhaps one of the greatest things we as therapists get to do.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Jess

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MARCH 4, 2020

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