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Emotional Regulation

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EMOTIONAL REGULATION

Today I want to speak about the importance of emotional regulation. Not only its development and significance in our children’s lives, but in our own as parents, caregivers and individuals. 

Emotional regulation is an important skill that is developed over time. Beginning in childhood, its development is a key milestone. Commencing with the foundational skills of co-regulation and leading into self-regulation in toddler and childhood years and eventuating into emotional intelligence in adulthood, it supports everything we do during our lives.

Self-regulation is the ability to notice, grade and modulate your own feelings, ultimately learning to respond appropriately to them. It is the ability to naturally adapt to those around you or the situation at hand. This process won’t always begin naturally with some children, some find it challenging to express themselves and others occasionally mis-interpret information that allows them to optimally adjust to their surroundings.

Emotional regulation is at the crux of everything we do. 

It starts in utero and further develops via a connection with your parents once born. It is the foundation of the connection between parents and their child from birth, that creates the building blocks for our first stage of emotional development; co-regulation.

This process allows children to learn, explore and understand what it feels like to be soothed, especially in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations. As infants, our parents offer affection and protection from the world as we enter into it. Throughout our earliest months of life, our foundations are being solidified. We are opening our eyes, processing more and beginning to push boundaries. 

As we continue to grow, we are connecting, becoming more alert and adapting to the world around us. This is done so through our sensory systems and the motivation to learn about new surroundings. 

Co-regulation involves a mutual understanding and safety net that our parents or caregivers provide, keeping us safe as we test boundaries and explore the world. This sense of comfort can sometimes give us that little extra push we need when new scenarios or uncertainty may arise. These experiences, along with meeting others, allow us to learn some essential non-verbal social cues, beginning our journey into self-regulation. 

We begin to learn self-regulation by sharing and working through our feelings. Having people around us modeling, teaching and supporting us to learn how to manage emotions, allows us to appropriately deal with feelings. Most people develop these skills by the time they enter their teenage years.

But what if we couldn’t learn how to self-regulate emotions?What if we didn’t feel safe in our surroundings?What if we missed all the non-verbal social cues from people in our family growing up?

What if we didn’t understand the emotions we had or had any control over them – not knowing how to self-soothe or react appropriately to a situation? This is what our children go through daily before being about to self-regulate.Children have difficulty understanding their body and the many feelings that they encounter day to day. So how do we support them through this and encourage development?

It can be very overwhelming as a parent or caregiver. The fatigue and ongoing support needed to provide guidance can be exhausting. As soon as we, the adults get overwhelmed and stressed, our capacity to cope and remain in a regulated state too, gets altered. Our own ability to regulate ourselves and cope in our everyday life is challenged. Often we are faced with a sense of guilt – not being able to cope with emotion on top of emotion.

So, how can we support you but also support your children in managing their self-awareness and emotional regulation for resilience, empathy and emotional intelligence? We thought we would offer up some strategies for you, the parent or caregiver to best take care of you and your family. These are:

  • Checking in; asking yourself ‘what do I need to do to be my best self and what does my partner need to do to be their best self?’. Make a note for today, for the week for the month and for the term.
  • The everyday essentials: sleep, good food, and staying hydrated. If you’re sleeping and eating well then you are supporting your body in the best way, having energy to work through the day
  • Setting weekly intentions: set 3 realistic activities to achieve in the week that would make a difference to you and your family. One for yourself, one for your children and one for your family as a whole.
  • Daily Intentions: sitting down and making a plan for each day to work towards these goals for the week. Do the important things first.
  • Build your tribe: don’t be afraid to ask for help and reach out to those in your community.
  • Breathe and Move: find what works for you. Mindfulness, exercise or even having coffee with a friend. Take a moment and a deep breath with things get too stressful. 

Once you’ve taken care of your own emotional well-being, look to your children. They too need support and strategies to continue to grow and develop their minds, empathy and social connections. The below strategies can be used before and after interactions, or even sometimes in the moment. 

  • Build Body awareness: move, explore and climb. Get your children using their core and bodies in challenging ways. This increases their gross motor skills, posture control but also builds upon their body awareness and understanding themselves in space. 
  • Experience emotions: let your children experience a range of emotions, help them understand what these emotions are and how to work through them by discussing their feelings.
  • Modeling: don’t be afraid to get on the floor and act silly, expressing your emotions and how your body responds. Act out how you self-regulate and what strategies work for you to calm your body. Modeling emotional regulation strategies is very powerful for our children.
  • Repair: Never forget the importance of repair. Talking and working through a situation to help provide clarity, understand perspectives and to emotionally interact with others is very powerful. Our children need to know when to say sorry and why. 

These strategies don’t always work for our children in the moment or when they are in a heightened state. It’s also ok to let them feel the emotion and allow it to eventually pass. In these moments, you can employ strategies to offer support if they attempt to reach out, these include: 

  • Remaining available: remaining open and available to your child to let them know you are there as reassurance (even if sometimes they are telling you to “go away”)
  • Ice chips or cold packs; chewing on ice chips, ice blocks or having ice packs available is a natural body reset. The coolness will help the child regulate their body temperature and start to cool down, inadvertently calming their emotions..
  • Providing deep pressure or hugs (heavy work and deep pressure is a natural calmer and regulator). Each child reacts to this differently; some love hugs, others love to throw, hit or kick things. It is finding safe activities and strategies for them at that moment.
  • Phrases of reassurance that you can offer up such as – ‘You are safe, It’s ok, and I love you’
  • Respiration and breathing activities: bubbles, water,  or even a cup with a straw are all ways to practice breathing in order to calm your child down. 

Your own emotional regulation and health as an individual and as a parent is a central priority. In order for you to be a good parent, you need to self soothe and look after your own well being. If you are not ok, then your children are not ok. Please implement and give these strategies listed above a go to aid or expand upon what already works for you and your family. If you have any additional questions, thoughts or ideas, please do not hesitate to contact the Explore and Soar team, as our passion lies in helping our families on all levels. Supporting our families and building our children up to have great emotional awareness for themselves and empathy for others is perhaps one of the greatest things we as therapists get to do.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Jess

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MARCH 4, 2020

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Parent Therapist Relationships

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PARENT THERAPIST RELATIONSHIP

With 2020 now well underway and with intentions set for the new year, it’s finally time for us to reconnect with our clients and families after the Christmas and New Year break.

The beginning of a new year is always a cherished time for many. After a well deserved break, it’s time to go back to work, school and to start achieving those new found goals.

Over the summer break, our children have in fact been doing a lot of work – setting their new found skills acquired in 2019 into action. The implementation of these skills during the break is often unseen but it is still an important aspect of our intervention goals. Times of play and rest are when our children are integrating and consolidating all their skills and new learnt behaviours. The break from education and routine allows time for the brain to consolidate new pathways and integrate them into everyday life and activities. In fact, one of my favourite parts about returning to work after the Christmas break is hearing all the stories of growth and new found goals being achieved. 

As the new year and the new term begins, it’s important for us to connect with parents and caregivers and determine what their needs and intentions are for the year ahead. This is done by communicating and reconnecting through storytelling. We are evaluating and discussing with them what their child has achieved the previous year, what goals they would like to achieve for the year ahead and what the next 6, 12 or 24 month action plans are. 

This is the time where we ensure that our parents and caregivers are really heard. 

It’s important that we work in collaboration to support our children and their families to reach their desired goals. We pride ourselves on being open, honest and working through each challenge diligently with you. We are passionate therapists that will employee a range of strategies whilst working with individual needs, respecting your values, parenting styles and unique qualities to find success. 

How we achieve this is through negotiation, program planning, service delivery and treatment modality options and education on a range of therapy services (inclusive of all allied health services available, not just OT). After listening to your concerns, stories and goals, we will break down these conversations in a way that is meaningful and understandable to each families needs. We set out your ideal, real and individual world options, creating strategies to deliver ongoing services, to assist with the agreed upon plan.

What I love most about my job is being able to provide a service that suits your own individual treatment model. Being able to provide these services to families within their own home, school or local community is incredibly rewarding. Within the comfort of your own home, we are able to work towards you family’s strengths, support you to achieve success and then facilitate change in all desired areas. This continues to inspire and motivate myself to persist to push and support our communities families more. 

Working within the family home is the most desired environment for us as OT’s, as it allows us to work collaboratively with families and children during our sessions. We also work actively and are flexible in interacting with the child’s school setting. We have worked in a range of different schools in the Newcastle to Muswellbrook/Scone regions and are continuing to expand our outreach and support this coming year. 

Working with each school requires a different and individualised assessment. Each school and family have their own goals, strengths and challenges which require some flexibility and support on our behalf. 

We actively participate in goal setting and planning meetings with teachers, run groups and/or individual sessions within the school day, complete teacher training and we host parent and teacher information nights. It’s important for us as OT’s to recognise that the support offered to each and everyone one of our families is different, depending on their desired outcomes. 

As we are in the midst of these vital parent-therapist conversations, I am finding so much joy in hearing all the positivity and recent achievements from our families. Their goals, motivation and support to always seek the best for their children inspires me to keep seeking and searching for the best intervention strategies. The relationship between a parent and therapist is so special, and unique to each family. As parents, you all work so hard to assist your children and it’s truly a blessing to be able to help improve and empower your child’s life.

I am looking forward to further supporting our families this year and ensuring that each of their voices are always heard. In 2020 it is my utmost goal to continue to strengthen Explore and Soar’s parent-therapist relationships, to achieve physical, mental, social and spiritual growth for each and every one of our families. 

The positive feedback following the holiday period is a reminder that parent-therapist relationships really do matter. It is one of the most important aspects of any intervention with a child and their family. One that I and the team at Explore and Soar continue to live by. 

Please don’t hesitate to share with us how we can continue to support you and your family. May 2020 be a year of growth and success for all. It’s time to get to work!

– Jess

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 5, 2020

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Flying with Children

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FLYING WITH CHILDREN

As I write this, I am currently sitting in my economy seat on a Boeing A380. I am making the 13-hour flight from Los Angeles back to Sydney after a wonderful time with friends exploring a country I’ve never ventured to before. 

Here’s a solemn truth though, flying has always been hard for me. The anticipation and anxiety of the flight itself, the dreaded thought of hours of boredom, the stiffness, claustrophobia and the plane food i cannot eat… It’s a lot to overcome. 

The experience of flying long or short haul is different for everyone though. Some dislike it and avoid flying all-together and for others, flying is an exciting, enjoyable experience, no matter the distance.

Personally, I tend to become overwhelmed and anxious when flying. Full disclosure, I may be a little claustrophobic, so sitting in seats next to people with no way of being to get out when I would like to and feeling restricted makes or breaks a flight for me. It’s important that I am able to get up regularly and move around as the change in air pressure has different impacts on my body. I never really spoke to anyone about what I was feeling whilst flying, I thought I was the only one who felt changes that made me uncomfortable. But the more I’ve began to open up about how i feel, the more I realized I wasn’t alone in this. 

So let’s talk about the physical changes that flying brings to your body. For me, I experience earaches from the fluid moving in my inner ear and vestibular system, to increased bloatedness and pain in my stomach whilst remaining in an upright seated position for an extended period of time. Despite being somewhat uncomfortable as a result, I still make the choice to do long haul flights, reminding myself that the journey is worth it to get to the destination of choice.

Along with the physical changes, I also experience a range of emotional and social challenges whilst flying. I am quite observant and that can be somewhat detrimental as it’s hard to switch off during a flight. With concern about those around me, young children perhaps crying and even having to sit with my own thoughts – it can create an unhealthy environment mentally. As an adult, I have learnt to employee strategies to manage my own emotions and mental health on a flight. Watching a film, journaling, having a conversation here and there with those seated next to me to feel more comfortable, having playlists at the ready and trying to get sleep in to pass the time.

But what about how our children cope with the anxiety of flights? With the holidays fast approaching, it’s important to think about strategies to keep them happy whilst contained in a seat for a long period of time. 

Keeping children physically and mentally entertained on a flight can be challenging. All the physical changes that I mentioned above can also occur in young people, so it’s important to prepare for physical and emotional discomfort.  

So what is the best way to cope with this? And how can we prepare them for flights? How do we inform them and describe what is going to happen and why it happens in order to help them cope? And how do we help them through the physical and emotional changes in the moment? 

Let’s begin with the discomfort that you may feel as a parent or caregiver. Let’s face it, we have all been on planes where children have cried, whinged or acted out. As parents, you try and soothe your child or tell them to stop as the engrained societal pressures, worries and expectations of what others think begins to cause undue stress. We begin to take on social anxiety whilst dealing with the physical or emotional discomfort of a child. In this moment of great discomfort, try to remember that these feelings aren’t permanent and that your child comes first. Your child is only expressing that they need help. We need to allow them to express themselves to help them work through their feelings in a positive manner to recover and be present for the rest of the flight.

Now let’s talk about some strategies to help you through the experience together. You may want to try;

  • Preparation; Explaining what will happen, how long the flight may be but what the reward will be at the end.
  • Layout the expectations, for example we need to sit for 3 hours in our chair, how do you think we could do this? What games, books or toys should we take?
  • Physical discomfort; our ears may feel funny or blocked at take off and landing; the feeling is different for everyone. There are a few things to help our kids in this instance:
  • Drink water before and during take off to help with swallowing and keeping the Eustachian tubes clear,
  • Eating a fruit snack, chewing gum or foods and/or sucking on a candy to increase swallowing and keeping the Eustachian tubes in our ears open,
  • Practice our yawning and pretend sleeping games; it helps equalize the pressure in our inner ears,
  • If you have or are prone to ear infections, see a doctor beforehand to ensure safety when flying as it can be very painful for our kids and their ears,
  • Staying awake at prime times; staying awake during take off and landing will help with swallowing, if your child is sleeping, they may not swallow as much and could wake up in pain,
  • Let them cry; believe it or not letting our children cry for a few moments actually relieves the pain for their ears and helps equalize the pressure. Soothing them and comforting them too will help them in moving past this uncomfortable feeling faster, and
  • Most importantly, be kind to yourself – you’re doing the best you can. And so is your child! This experience may be very new and unfamiliar to your children, so comfort them and where possible make them feel at home in the space. 

The end of the year is nearing. We are all planning our Christmas / New Year holiday adventures. Don’t be afraid to fly and travel if you can. Don’t let what other people think or say stop you from living the life you want to live and going somewhere you have always wanted to go.

I cannot wait to hear about all the holiday adventures being planned for the Christmas and New Year holidays and I hope that the above strategies are helpful in keeping your children calm and enjoying a wonderful holiday period!

Jess.

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 6, 2019

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Play

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PLAY

This week we are going to chat about the importance of play and how it plays a roll not only in paediatric OT but in our lives as adults too!

I have to admit, playing is one of my favourite things to do. I enjoy being silly or cheeky, laughing, rolling on the floor or making a fool of myself. The joy I get from interacting with children is immeasurable. Whether it’s their bright eyes looking in wonder or their mischievous smile as they’re about to do something, it is incredibly rewarding to see a child enjoying themselves. 

Despite how well some of you may know me, I can also be quite serious or passionate on occasion. But play itself is what keeps me grounded, and serves as a reminder to not take life too seriously, to enjoy the ride that it is. 

This is how I fell in love with paediatric OT.  I loved that I got to play, move my body and support little humans achieve their own goals. I got to encourage them to reach their highest potential by teaching them skills through play that put their new found abilities to use and ultimately promote growth. What I loved even more was that I could do this in families homes and schools and not be tied to a desk all day, everyday as well! 

The role of play itself for our children is so important. Play and development forms the natural basis and foundations for the rest of their lives and continues to be a vital part of our development even into adulthood. Continuing to be playful positivity impacts upon our own mental well being, as well as our cognitive and emotional development over time. 

Did you know that play even helps us prevent Alziehmers?! Now that is pretty amazing if you ask me!

Playing can be fun, exciting, exhilarating, challenging, frustrating and full of experiments. Through play we are constantly learning and changing over time. Play itself can come very naturally for some and continue to be hard work for others.  The key to effective play for kids or even adults is find varied activities that spark joy. 

Some children (or big children aka adults) enjoy being inside, playing with figurines, coloring and drawing. Whilst others are always on the go; climbing, running and getting into a little bit of mischief through physical activity. Some kids can also enjoy both! any of these activities in play are normal and each are a part of our own unique personalities – it’s important to identify what play develops self expression, learning and cognitive behaviour that matters.

So how exactly does play help children?

It’s simple really. When kids play, they are constantly learning. Learning through play is deemed fun.. So when they are enjoying learning something through play, they will be inclined to repeat the experience over and over again, therefore putting into practice their new found skills or behaviours. This can come to the adults detriments… As may seem to bore you with the amount of repetition they are consolidating these skills, learning and integrating them into their everyday life. In turn it becomes a part of their skill repertoire, advancing them into adulthood slowly but surely and allowing them to then learn a new skill.

It’s important to remember that the only way children will consolidate and learn these skills is through repetition. Repetition is so important! So as much as you would like to pack away that noisy toy and for it to never be seen again… (oops! We’ve all been there), just think about what your kids are learning beforehand. 

Don’t you just love it when your kids are laughing and enjoying themselves? Did you know that laughter literally is the best medicine! When your child is laughing whilst playing, learning is happening at it’s fastest! So for all those families who have experienced my big over the top laugh with your kids, there is a method to my madness! Laughter = Fun = Learning = Fast!!  For those who haven’t, that’s probably a good thing, it ain’t pretty! So keep looking for ways to make your kids laugh… I promise that it is helping and that you are doing amazing at it!

As we are hitting the back end of the year, fatigue and tiredness may be setting in and motivation is the last thing that you may be feeling, I get it. But when was the last time you all had a good laugh from playing games as a family? How often is it happening and can we make it happen more? And no I am not insinuating that this should be happening every waking minute of everyday… but inside your busy schedule I ask you this, how can you turn your everyday activities like dressing or bathing into a fun game? Remember by turning normal everyday activities into fun, your child is learning that this is an important skill to master. 

So let’s get playing, laughing and being silly to foster learning together. We all need some more fun, joy and playfulness in our lives. Play more, be serious less.

Next time I’ll share with you exactly how I continue to envelop play in my adult life. 

Until then, happy playing!

Jess.

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AUGUST 7, 2019

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